This repeating cycle of emotional abandonment and psychological maltreatment is traced back to transgenerational trauma in Family Constellations therapy. The good news is that if you can leave your thooperphatic person, you may be able to help break the cycle with the next generation.
The traumas of old do not always present themselves in an easily identifiable form that spans generations. What i know is, sometime it can be burried so deep into the family dynamic that people often never realize they are in a cycle until they then also start to act on these patterns of behaviour themself because it’s something they saw growing up. That emotional legacy is not about DNA, but behaviour and psychology things learned and felt into the bone.
Contents
Understanding Intergenerational Trauma
When we go deeper intergenerational trauma is a state of trauma that goes beyond one person, but is transmitted from one generation to the next. That is the collection of unresolved emotional and psychological baggage passed down through families. It may show up as unprocessed grief, suppressed mental health concerns, or simply conditioning we learned from parents or caregivers. Its reverberations touch the lives of descendants no matter how remote in time from the original trauma.
Here, emotional abuse contributes largely to the mechanism of this cycle. It often comes with invisible scars, so it is hard for the victims to see what’s happening to them. They might say to themselves, “This is the way families are,” or “All families are like this.” However, that normalization of emotional abuse only serves to perpetuate the trauma cycle, which is why acknowledging and addressing it is step one.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
It can also be tough to spot emotional abuse, as it is often quite insidious. They are behavioral patterns that allow another person to seek to dominate, degrade or manipulate us and lead us further in this process. Physical abuse, while it leaves something to see, emotional statistics bear deep psychological wounds that take a lot longer; if ever; to heal.
Some signs of emotional abuse
- Non-stop criticism or belittling: You feel you can never do anything right and perhaps are put down constantly.
- Gaslighting: You are told that your feelings and experiences aren’t real or “right.”
- Isolation: Your abuser tries to control who you see or talk to, and cuts you off from friends, family, and support systems.
- Emotional manipulation: A controller may use guilt or shame to maintain control over your behaviour and keep you in the relationship.
- Mood swings: The say hateful things and within 30 minutes, tell you how much they love you.
- Blame-shifting: The abuser never admits to doing anything wrong and put all of the blame on you.
This is really important to recognize that these behaviours can provoke in your relationships these are the signals and that you need to know in order to stop perpetrating an emotional abuse. The longer these behaviours go on, the more stuck they become and the harder it is to be free from them and heal.
How Intergenerational Trauma Develops
If the wrongdoings of one generation are not properly address (e.g., emotional abuse, neglect), they create an intergenerational trauma, whereby the unresolved emotions carry to another generation. Guilt, Shame and Fear: Children who are abused or neglected adapt the survival mechanisms of guilt, shame, and fear into host of attitudes which help them ‘weather’ their storm. These maladaptive coping mechanisms perpetuate into emotional abuse in their very adult relationships.
As an example, a child growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent often has intimacy and connection problems in their relationships. And in the next generation of children, a lack of capability for emotional bonding with them can result in either neglect, or worse abuse. These children in these relationships end up adopting the same behaviors themselves when they grow up and so the cycle continues.
The Role of Self-Awareness in Breaking the Cycle
Another cycle can be broken when you choose to acknowledge that it is impacting your and the old pattern still has a hold on you, but as with most things self-awareness is the first step in them. If you want to step off the hamster wheel of emotional abuse, your first stop will be to become more aware of what triggers you emotionally; and the subsequent behaviors and reactions that result from this. It can also allow you to identify the unhealthy ways in which you go through life, and how to amend them.
The first step is to ask yourself some tough, challenging questions:
- Do you feel like a puppet in your relationships?
- Do the traits and behaviors of your family keep manifesting in generation after generation?
- Have Recurring Feelings Of Worthlessness, Guilt Or Shame?
Hence, answering these questions frankly will give you an idea if you are living in a cycle of emotional abuse and trauma.
Seeking Help and Support
You do not have to bear the burden of ending emotional abuse and chain-breaking intergenerational trauma by yourself. In reality, asking for help is an essential component of healing. Its so important to have a support system if you are in an emotional abusive relationship because it can feel very lonely having your self worth chipped away and being made to think you are wrong.
Therapies can be quite beneficial in people recovering from emotional abusers, group therapy and other kinds of therapies are extremely effective. Group therapy is a place where they can speak with others who may have gone through similar experiences and hear what has worked for them (or not), and it might lead to the forming of connections with people that understand exactly what they are experiencing. Instead it breaks down the walls of isolation that so many emotional abuse victim feel.
If you need support, try a group therapy program focused on recovering from emotional abuse It serves as a way to process your and others’ feelings in a group setting, you are able to realize that what you may be going through is also experienced by others. Your story is heard, and you can start tearing down the psychological walls that emotional abuse has set up around you by pouring it out as well as hearing other stories.
Get more info on group therapy in Calgary at All in the Family Counselling.
Learning New Relationship Patterns
Healing from emotional abuse and breaking intergenerational trauma is unlearning toxic relationship behaviors, just so we can learn how to do it the right way. It could be a case of re-learning how to communicate, setting boundaries and developing emotional intimacy without fear of being manipulated or controlled.
So healthy relationships rely upon mutual respect, trust and safety to exchanges the emotions. These may sound very basic, yet they can be extremely difficult for those of us that were emotionally abused or neglected to put into action. Therapists and counselors can give you the knowledge and techniques to help shape healthier relationships into the future.
Teaching the Next Generation
Knowing that by healing your wounds you are not only helping yourself but also creating space for future generations to have better relationships with themselves! Kids learn by doing and being around the adults. Show your children or the people you love what is looks like to have healthy emotional boundaries, communication without toxicity and how to be emotionally strong.
Healing from emotional abuse is the gift that keeps on giving. It helps you to heal, makes those around you in the process. If we can stop the cycle, then future generations will be able to grow up without the emotional burden of trauma that other generations before us did and thereby gives them new opportunities for thriving.
Conclusion
Breaking free from this cycle of intergenerational trauma starts with naming how you are experiencing the emotional abuse now. It takes bravery and self-reflection and an openness to get help. You can, therefore, also break free of the multi-generational trauma and begin to embark on a healthier, happier journey for you and future generations.
Group therapy for emotional abuse recovery Many people never deal with their suffering because they do not always recognize it. Head over to All in the Family Counselling, your first step on your journey of healing and leaving emotional abuses behind.RELATED: Emotional Abuse Is the Silent Killer In Any Relationship!